In a clear message of "do as I do and not as I say," while President Trump was declaring the coronavirus national emergency Friday surrounded by the most powerful captains of industry in the country, he shook hands, squeezed shoulders and fondled the microphone 31 times. He did so having been in contact with infected officials and at the time refusing to be tested. Only one unbeliever insisted on doing an elbow bump instead of touching the divine decrepit hand, Bruce Greenstein. A former executive for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services? What does that guy know?
But that wasn't just a gross violation of containment guidelines, that was a power move to show Typhoid Trump's still in charge -- not some virus. Real Americans don't cotton to leftist nonsense like "social distancing." (Leave it to liberals to invent a restraining order against microaggressions.) You think a playboy like President Trump was going to stay inside and what? Talk to his wife and have Barron teach him the multiplication tables?
In the past few weeks, the president has spent more time going out, playing golf and posing for pictures with than he did attended CDC meetings. And sure, he might breathe in and out like his lungs are filled with bronzered pus, but our mighty leader tested negative on COVID-19, which definitively proves that the only kind of social distancing a rich person needs to do is keep reminding the overly familiar valet that their Mercedes is worth more than their shitbox of an apartment.